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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving
down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the
window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and
replies, "WITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds
the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only
men would listen.
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| A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store every
week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week, he would come
in with the same order. One day, the druggist felt he had to say something
to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting
lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?" The man looked
at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea
of sex repulsive!" So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all
those condoms?" The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now
she poops in little plastic bags." |
| A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette
with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking a bit
pissed off. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we finally
answered THAT question!" |
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following
results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become. |
| A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.Their domestic
tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter
was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage."Well, it
dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady."We visited the Grand Canyon
and took a trip down to thebottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't
gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled. My husband quietly said ‘That's
once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once
more my husband quietly said,‘That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile
when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband promptly removed a revolver
from his pocket and shot him. I started to protest over his treatment of
the mule when he looked at me and quietly said ‘That's once.'" |
| A group of young businessmen were chatting at the bar, and one decides
to share his recent embarrassment with the others. He tells them that he
was booking a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but he was so preoccupied with
the beautiful breasts of the girl at the counter, that instead of saying
"I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh", he said, "I'd like a picket to Titsburg!"!
An older guy nearby hears the story and says, "You know, I had a similar
experience with my wife this morning. We were sitting at the breakfast table
and I meant to say, "Darling, could you please pass the butter" ...but what
came out was, "You bitch! You're ruining my fucking life!" |
| A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to
an absolutely gorgeous woman.. They exchange brief hellos and he notices
she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and
she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It
identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish
men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's
yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you." |
| Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?It took her a month
to realize she could play it at night. |
| How is a blonde like a shot gun? One cock and shes ready to blow. |
| While on vacation the blonde sent home this postcard:"Having a wonderful
time. Where am I? |
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